mynameis_chelsea/cheech

oh my God.

what nourishes me, also destroys me

my tights are too tight.

oh, what the hell.

oh yeah.

fiona apple.

oh my God.

what nourishes me, also destroys me

my tights are too tight.

oh, what the hell.

oh yeah.

fiona apple.

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Nov. 2nd, 2009 at 10:57 PM

i havent been on here in over a year. it has been the worst year of my entire life.. I cant explain how much ive missed this. thank God im back.

Dec. 15th, 2008 at 2:25 PM

ive been gone for so long.. its insane.
ive been struggling, gaining weight losing it, gain lose gain lose.

but now, im on a 80% all raw diet, nothing BUT water.. sometimes a wee bit of unsweetened tea, it depends.
its hard, dont get me wrong. it was always easier to binge on things like cheese, bread and ive been having the strangest cravings for mustard? i dont even like mustard. hm..
anyways, so far its only day number three, but its always hardest those first few days. poo on end of it. hopefully im just trying to get healthy is all. thats it. healthy..

Mood: crappy

Jan. 7th, 2008 at 3:03 PM

the blood is being cut off to my brain. im sitting in my tights, wearing a baby doll, big shirt. this is the only place i have to come to talk about fasting. its hard to not have anyone to talk to.. except this and the comment community.
my mom and everyone thinks im trying to be "healthy".. ok. sure. whyy not?
i just want my collar bone to be visable enough that people from miles will come to see it, to dip their fried shrimp in the tartar sauce its holding. blaeh. im just lonely i guess.. maybe me being paper thin isnt possible, maybe im destined to be a paper weight.

Mood: blank

Aug. 3rd, 2007 at 10:24 PM

ok.. so ive been sexually active since, 2001. im young, and ive never ever been really insecure. im sure, we all have our days of feeling great, then those lost in self hate days. but, last night.. i knew my eating disorder and the mind fuck (pardon) that we all do has taken its toll. a guy ive been with before plenty of times, came to my house got in me bed and wanted to do some "things". and as much as i would have wanted to back before, last night i just.. i dont know. i hated myself, i hid under my blanket, i pulled away when he wanted to kiss, i pushed him off when he tried anything and then hid away. like i was ashamed. which i feel like i am. whats wrong with me man, i just hate the way my mind FUCKS me over and over and over. cheech, youre fat; cheech, he knows youre fat; cheech, you will never have anyone looking the way you do. im past the point of wanting to cry, i need therapy. but what psycologist is gonna help me with and e.d or with anything else. really..

yeah and my friends. yeah right, theyd laugh. girls, what to do what to do??

Mood: worried
Music:pink floyd; have a cigar

Jul. 10th, 2007 at 5:26 PM

im a psycho-babbling retard sometimes. guess what? i got my mom to leave me alone about excersising.. this is how. if anyones parents watch cesar milan on the animal planet, you know he says to WALK YOUR DOGS everyday.. so one way, she watches cesar everyday.. she loves him. so i bought some leashes and now another excersise is gonna be "walking our dogs" together.. seeeee??

find what they are interested in and make it seem like you care. hah.

Mood:accomplished

Jul. 10th, 2007 at 3:51 PM

im totally new to this site and to everything and everybody. i have been struggling with my weight since as long as i could remember, having beautiful brothers doesnt help. im here for fucking support (sorry for the language, its almost spontaneous these days).. im tired of being lonely and being made fun of by the people that know.

ohh, yeah. so ive been needing motivation with the fasting, and ive been looking for songs. fiona apples; paper bag. the best song BY FARR!!!!!!!!!! thanks guys. im happy i have someone to talk to nowww.

Mood: anxious

November 2009